The holidays are supposed to be a magical time of year, filled with joy, family, and celebration. But let’s be real—if you’re in a partnership, especially one with kids, the holidays can also be stressful, chaotic, and downright exhausting. As a dad, I’ve learned over the years that this time of year requires more than picking out a few gifts and hanging some lights. It’s about showing up for your partner, offering support, and making the season as smooth and enjoyable as possible—for everyone.
I’ll admit, there was a time when I didn’t fully grasp how much my partner took on during the holidays. Between shopping, decorating, coordinating family schedules, and making sure the kids had a magical experience, it was like she had taken on a second full-time job. Meanwhile, I thought my contribution—hanging the outdoor lights and helping pick out a tree—was enough. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.
Over the years, I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) how to be a better teammate during the holidays. Here are some tips, based on my own experiences, that can help dads support their partners during this busy season.
1. Communicate Early and Often
The first thing I’ve realized is that clear communication is key. Early in the season, I sit down with my partner to figure out what’s on the holiday agenda. Are there parties to attend? Family gatherings to host? Special traditions the kids are excited about? Knowing what’s coming up helps me prepare and, more importantly, allows me to step in where I’m needed.
My partner and I also talk about expectations. Does she need help wrapping gifts? Managing the kids during holiday outings? Cooking for a family dinner? The more we talk, the better I can anticipate where my support is most valuable. And trust me, showing initiative here goes a long way.
2. Take Ownership of Specific Tasks
One of the biggest mistakes I made early on was asking, “How can I help?” While the sentiment was good, it often put the burden back on my partner to delegate tasks. Now, I take ownership of specific responsibilities. For example, I might volunteer to handle all the gift-wrapping or take charge of school events like holiday concerts or bake sales.
Taking ownership means more than just “helping out”—it means fully managing a task from start to finish. If I say I’m handling the holiday cards, that means I’m picking out the design, collecting addresses, and mailing them on time. It’s one less thing for my partner to worry about, and she genuinely appreciates the relief.
3. Be Present With the Kids
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that keeping the kids occupied and happy during the holidays is a huge help. Whether it’s taking them out for a day of sledding, baking cookies together, or helping them with their holiday crafts, these moments not only create special memories but also give my partner some much-needed breathing room.
It’s also important to be present during family moments. I used to be guilty of checking my work email during holiday movie night or zoning out while we decorated the tree. Now, I make a conscious effort to put my phone down and engage fully. It shows my partner that I’m invested in making this season magical for her and the kids.
4. Handle the Logistics
The holidays are filled with logistics—travel plans, shopping lists, meal prep, and more. Instead of waiting for my partner to take the lead, I step up and handle as much of the planning as I can. For example, I might map out the best route for visiting relatives or coordinate who’s bringing what to Christmas dinner.
One year, I even volunteered to do all the grocery shopping for our holiday meals. I won’t lie—it was overwhelming at first (I mean, who knew there were so many kinds of potatoes?). But seeing the relief on my partner’s face made it all worth it. Plus, I learned that getting out of my comfort zone can be pretty empowering.
5. Give the Gift of Time
Sometimes, the best gift isn’t something you can wrap. One of the most meaningful ways I’ve supported my partner during the holidays is by giving her time to herself. Whether it’s encouraging her to have a spa day, sleep in on a Saturday, or go out with friends, these small gestures make a big difference.
When I take the kids out for a few hours so she can have the house to herself, she comes back feeling refreshed and more able to enjoy the season. And really, isn’t that what the holidays are all about—making sure the people you love feel cared for?
6. Show Appreciation
Throughout the season, I make an effort to show my partner how much I appreciate everything she does. Whether it’s thanking her for organizing the kids’ gifts or surprising her with her favorite holiday treat, these small gestures remind her that I see and value her hard work.
One year, I wrote her a heartfelt letter on Christmas morning, thanking her for everything she had done to make the season special. She said it was one of the best gifts she’d ever received. Sometimes, it’s the little things that mean the most.
7. Remember, It’s a Team Effort
Finally, I’ve learned to embrace the idea that the holidays are a team effort. It’s not about who does more—it’s about working together to create a joyful and memorable season for our family. When I approach the holidays as a partner, rather than a bystander, the whole experience feels more rewarding.
The holidays can be stressful, but they’re also a great chance to connect and spend quality time with your family.By stepping up and supporting your partner, you’re not only making her life easier—you’re also setting an example for your kids about what it means to be a true teammate. And at the end of the day, isn’t that one of the greatest gifts you can give?
