Self-care is essential for everyone, but as fathers, it often feels like we’re expected to juggle it all while rarely acknowledging our own needs. I’ve learned this the hard way over the years, and I’d like to share my thoughts on why prioritizing self-care as a dad is not only okay—it’s necessary for being the best father and partner you can be. Here’s what self-care looks like from my perspective, and why it matters more than we might realize:
Fatherhood is an all-consuming role.
Becoming a dad changed everything for me. Suddenly, my schedule revolved around diapers, late-night feedings, school drop-offs, and soccer practice. Don’t get me wrong—I love being a father. It’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. But in the beginning, I found myself slipping into a pattern of giving and giving without stopping to think about how I was doing. Slowly, I realized that you can’t pour from an empty cup. If I’m running on fumes, how can I be patient, present, and engaged with my kids?
Self-care doesn’t make you selfish.
For a long time, I equated self-care with selfishness. It felt wrong to take time for myself when my kids needed me, but I’ve come to understand that self-care isn’t about indulgence—it’s about maintenance. Taking care of myself enables me to take better care of my family. When I carve out moments to recharge, I’m more patient, more focused, and just better equipped to handle the challenges of parenting.
Mental health is part of the equation.
No one talks about the emotional toll fatherhood can take, but it’s real. The pressure to provide, the endless decision-making, and the fear of "messing up" can weigh heavily on you. I’ve had days when I felt completely overwhelmed, and I realized that if I didn’t address those feelings, they’d bubble over in ways that weren’t healthy. Self-care for me includes making space for my mental health—whether that’s journaling, talking to my partner, or even seeing a therapist when I need to.
Physical health impacts your energy.
For a while, I let my physical health slide. Early mornings and late nights left me skipping workouts and grabbing whatever food was easiest. But I noticed that when I ate poorly and stayed inactive, it drained me even more. I made the conscious decision to prioritize exercise, even if it’s a quick 20-minute walk or a yoga session in the living room. It boosts my energy, clears my head, and sets a good example for my kids about staying active.
Finding "me time" is a balancing act.
One of the biggest challenges I face is finding time for myself without feeling guilty. As a dad, there’s always something that needs to be done, but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s okay to leave the dishes in the sink or delegate tasks to my partner. For me, self-care can look like reading a book, playing guitar, or just sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee. These small moments help me recalibrate.
Building a support system matters.
Fatherhood can be isolating if you let it. I didn’t realize how much I needed other dads to talk to until I found myself venting about a sleepless night to a coworker who’s also a parent. Having people who "get it" makes a huge difference. Whether it’s a group of friends, a parenting class, or even an online community, connecting with others helps lighten the load.
Setting boundaries is key.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is saying no to things that don’t serve my family or my well-being. It’s easy to overextend yourself at work or in social situations, but I’ve found that setting boundaries is an act of self-care. Whether it’s turning off my phone during family time or not signing up for every project at work, those boundaries create space for what really matters.
Be honest with your kids.
Self-care has also been an opportunity to teach my kids about prioritizing their own needs. I’ve started being honest with them about why I take time for myself. For example, I might say, "Dad needs a few minutes to rest so I can help you with that later." Modeling self-care for them is a way of showing that it’s okay to take a step back when you need to recharge.
Your partner is your teammate.
My wife has been a huge advocate for my self-care. Early on, she noticed when I was running on empty and encouraged me to take breaks, even if I resisted at first. In turn, I’ve learned to support her self-care as well. We trade off responsibilities so that we both get time to ourselves. It’s a partnership, and when we’re both recharged, we’re better parents together.
It’s okay to ask for help.
I used to think I had to do it all on my own. That mindset left me stressed and stretched thin. Over time, I’ve realized that asking for help—from my partner, family members, or even hiring a babysitter for a few hours—is not a sign of weakness. It’s a way to ensure I’m at my best for my kids.
Celebrate the small wins.
Self-care doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking deep breaths in the car after a hectic school drop-off or enjoying a quiet moment before the kids wake up. I’ve learned to celebrate those small pockets of time because they add up and make a big difference.
You’re setting an example.
One of the most impactful reasons to prioritize self-care is that our kids are watching. If they see us constantly stressed, overworked, and neglecting ourselves, they’ll think that’s normal. By taking care of myself, I’m teaching my children that self-care is a vital part of a healthy, balanced life.
Fatherhood is full of responsibilities, but self-care isn’t something to push to the side. It’s not just about taking care of yourself—it’s about being the best dad you can be. When I invest time in my well-being, I’m more present, more patient, and more able to enjoy the chaotic, wonderful ride that is being a father. Self-care isn’t optional; it’s essential.
