For the longest time, I thought being the "cool dad" was the ultimate goal. You know the type—the dad who knows all the latest trends, who’s friends with his kids on social media, who’s at every game or performance and always saying "yes" to whatever crazy idea his kids come up with. I wanted to be that dad. I wanted my kids to think I was fun, approachable, and easygoing. But over time, I’ve realized that chasing the "cool dad" title wasn’t just exhausting—it wasn’t even what my kids really needed from me.
Here’s how I got to this point and why I’ve let go of the need to be the "cool dad."
The Pressure to Be Cool
Looking back, I think the pressure started as soon as I became a dad. Society places so much emphasis on being the fun, modern parent. Everywhere you look, there are Instagram posts of dads doing TikTok dances or throwing elaborate birthday parties that rival Hollywood premieres. It’s like there’s an unsaid competition to be the most "fun-loving" dad in the neighborhood. And I fell for it.
At first, it was harmless. I’d stay up late binge-watching cartoons just so I could talk to my kids about them the next day. I’d force myself to learn slang I didn’t care about so I could "speak their language." I even tried to get into video games—something I’ve never been good at—just to keep up with what they were interested in. But the more I chased this image, the more I felt like I was trying too hard. It wasn’t genuine, and deep down, I knew it.
The Moment It Clicked
The turning point happened during a family dinner. My oldest rolled her eyes at something I said (probably an outdated attempt at humor), and my youngest chimed in with, "Dad, you don’t have to be cool. Just be you."
That hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was, trying to fit into their world, and all they really wanted was for me to stay in my own lane. They didn’t need me to know their favorite pop star or the latest internet meme. They needed me to be their dad—a constant, supportive figure in their lives. That’s when I realized I’d been chasing the wrong thing.
What Being a Dad Really Means
Once I let go of the "cool dad" persona, I started to see fatherhood differently. My role isn’t to be their best friend or impress their friends. My role is to provide structure, guidance, and love, even if that means making decisions they don’talways like.
For example, I stopped saying "yes" to every request. Sometimes, being a dad means saying "no" to extra screen time or explaining why chores have to get done before play. It’s not fun, and it definitely doesn’t make me "cool," but it’snecessary. Kids need boundaries, and I realized that enforcing those boundaries is one of the most loving things I can do for them.
The Joy of Just Being Present
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that my kids value my presence more than my efforts to be "cool." It’s not about the flashy gestures or trying to compete with other parents. It’s about being there—truly there—for them.
Now, instead of trying to keep up with their trends, I focus on what really matters: listening to them, playing board games (even when I lose), and being available when they need advice or just someone to talk to. It’s the quiet moments—like watching a movie together or working on a school project—that mean the most. Those are the memories they’ll carry with them, not whether I knew the lyrics to their favorite song.
Letting Go of Ego
I’ll be honest: part of my desire to be a "cool dad" came from my own ego. I liked the idea of being the dad that all the other kids thought was awesome. But when I stopped to think about it, I realized that wasn’t fair to my kids. Fatherhood isn’t about me; it’s about them. It’s about raising kind, responsible, and independent individuals—not boosting my ownimage.
Letting go of that ego has been liberating. I don’t care if their friends think I’m "boring" or if my dad jokes make them groan. What matters is that they know they can rely on me. That they feel safe, loved, and understood. And honestly, that feels a lot better than any "cool dad" label ever could.
My Kids Don’t Need Perfection
Here’s another big realization: my kids don’t need me to be perfect. They don’t need me to have all the answers or to always get it right. They just need me to show up and try my best.
There are days when I make mistakes, lose my temper, or miss an important moment because of work. But instead of beating myself up, I’ve learned to apologize and move forward. I’ve even started talking to my kids about my mistakes, which has opened the door for them to share theirs. It’s created a culture of honesty in our household, and that’s worth so much more than trying to be a flawless dad.
Redefining "Cool"
If you’d asked me a few years ago what being a "cool dad" meant, I would’ve said it’s about being fun, easygoing, and always saying "yes." But now, I see it differently. To me, a "cool dad" is someone who’s dependable, compassionate, and unafraid to show love and vulnerability. It’s someone who teaches their kids through actions—not just words—what it means to be a good person.
So, am I a "cool dad" by society’s standards? Probably not. But to my kids, I think I’m exactly who they need me to be. And that’s more than enough.
Final Thoughts
Fatherhood is a journey, and like any journey, it’s full of twists, turns, and moments of reflection. For me, one of the biggest lessons has been letting go of the need to be "cool" and focusing on what really matters: being present, setting boundaries, and showing unconditional love.
At the end of the day, your kids won’t remember whether you knew all the latest trends or had the funniest jokes. They’llremember how you made them feel—safe, supported, and loved. And that’s what being a dad is all about.
